The Way I Used To Be (Amber Smith)


Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year.

I never really hold myself back in my reviews so I don’t see it happening with this one either. I seen this book around for a while. The cover was phenomenal and the hype was just right. But I was sadly disappointed.

The blurb for this book promises a look at a rape survivor over time. Four years. But actually, it skips literally ALL of the important things that caused the slippage of Edy. It’s like the author just wanted to skip to all of the tension and rage. YAY! HERE YOU GO! SHE WAS RAPED BUT NOW WE ARE AT THIS POINT! No…just no.


I have never not liked a character quite as much as I did Edy. I actually wish this book wouldn’t have been written through her POV. The person she is was just plain annoying. And the book doesn’t even show her growth or how she heals. Nothing. She is just a negative person all the way through. Downward spiral all the way through.

It’s a train wreck. There. I said it. There is no “good” points shown to us readers. No closure. No repairing. No assurance. It’s just bad things over and over again. The author barely even explored the issues that needed to be addressed. It was just a book about a dislikeable girl who gets lost in reckless behavior until she loses all of her friends and hits rock bottom. And so did I. Mentally.


But don’t worry, the ending is just oh so satisfying *eyeroll* I’m kidding actually…because it’s not.

I want to end by saying I know that rape is not a judging matter. Every one handles the situation differently and that’s okay. I would never judge. But as a reader this book was nothing spectacular. It wasn’t ground breaking. And I do not think it delivers a very good message to young readers. If I was a rape victim I’m not even sure it would have helped me in anyway. I think I would have been offended actually. If you’re looking for a book about rape survivors…I wouldn’t recommend this one at all.


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